Bah Humbug

The snow is starting to fall, the temperature has dropped into negative digits, the sky looks like elephant skin and there are Salvation Army bell ringers stationed at every store.

It's that time of year again.


When it's this cold outside, everything freezes.
Personal motivation included.
I can't seem to want to do anything besides hide inside an electric blanket and my own head.

Alas, there is chili to be crock-potted, goodies to be baked, blogs to be written, and so I must get out of bed, peel myself away from the fire place, and continue on this lovely little path of mine.

But since we all spent last month thinking about all the things we were thankful for, and also because this is the season of making a list and checking it twice...

Here's a little random list of things I'm not so thankful for (AKA: Things I hate).
You know, to even the score between November and December.

1.The bells above gas station doors.

2. The special effect that makes babies or animals talk on TV. 

3. Mustard.

4. Raw onions.

5. Birkenstalk sandals.

6. Being breathed on 

7. Being told to calm down or chill out.

8. Mornings without immediate access to coffee

9. The majority of gum commercials

10. The Wiggles

11. Being cold

12. Pumping gas

13. Having to follow someone in their car but they drive too fast like an asshole and I end up loosing them.

14. Every kind of music my husband likes. 

15. Stubbing my pinky toe.

16. My dog's diesel fuel farts

17. Hangovers.

18. The fact that nobody ever wants to play Monopoly.

19. Getting stood up.

20. Having to do other people's jobs for them because they're lazy or just stupid. 

21. When 2 things are on at the same time, like a TV and a radio together (my head will explode)

22. Clapping in the car. 

23. Whistling.



So now you all know my likes and dislikes just a little bit better! (It's important to know things like this about your bloggers.)
Well, on that note, I hope everybody's heaters are running up to par and do try to stay warm out there!

This cold front is a doozy!

Tricks and Treats

So my old iPhone 4 had an unfortunate and sudden death. 

Having been dropped quite a distance, the screen shattered both on the front and back with shards of glass burying their heads into the key pad causing multiple FaceTime calls to everyone in my address book at disastrous hours in the night. 

Inopportune for sure.

 I was sure a few of my friends would disown me. 

After the proper amount of mourning time, I marched down to the AT&T store, explained the untimely demise of my beloved lifeline, and asked if there was anything they could do for me.

Behold, my new iPhone 5C:

 There are a handful of tricks that I have recently discovered which are so cool, I figured it was worth the share.

1. If you turn your phone on to airplane mode, it charges twice as fast

2. When taking a picture, you can capture multiple shots for as long as you hold down the button by snapping 10 photos per second. And real-time analysis suggests the best photos of the bunch.

3. You can just ask Siri to wake you up in 3 hours (or however long) and she'll set an alarm for you instead of having to open and program your alarm clock app.

4. When you're taking a video and something happens where you want to take a picture, there is a small camera button to hit which snaps the shot without stopping the recording of your video. 

5. LTE is great for crazy fast downloads and Internet connection, but it kills your battery. If you turn off the LTE, your phone will go to 3G instead, which works just great around town for regular phone calls and whatever else.  Save your battery and slow it down a bit  Settings -> General -> Cellular -> Enable LTE to Off

6. Asking Siri to launch an app for you saves time and lives when you're driving around. 

7. You can take selfies using the button on your ear-bud / head phone cord. Just set your camera on the table or wherever, face the camera to you, and click the button. This way you won't have half your arm covering half your face. 

So those are the new things I've learned this week. I'm determined to master this phone and I send my sincere apologies to those I disrupted during my old phone's toddler-esque meltdown. 

Speaking of meltdowns...

Last week I left you with the introduction of our family's new Elf, Heart. On her first day, Kalynn found her in the cupboard making snow men out of our leftover camping marshmallows. 

Day 2 didn't go over so well. Heart was found cuddled up in the Cabbage Patch hammock, wearing another baby's pajamas and snuggling with Kalynn's favorite tiny Pound Puppies. 

This horrific display of disregard for other people's things flipped Kalynn's tiny temper switch and got Heart in some serious trouble. Kalynn was so upset that Heart would do such a thing, it sparked a silent feud between the two and they couldn't even look at each other for the rest of the day. 

Yes. Seriously. 

(Who knew this would turn out to be the parenting fail of the season...)

Day 3 Heart offered an apology and was found hanging upside down from the chandelier with an "I'm sorry" note and a box of Kalynn's favorite Pop Tarts. All was forgiven and their friendship was rekindled (but not without a "don't ever do that again!" speech).

Day 4 It snowed here in Colorado and Heart must have wanted to join in the excitement because we found her making snow angels on our kitchen table. 

Day 5 she was found in the corner tuning up Daddy's guitar. 

Day 6 Heart had made herself a tiny little fishing pole and had seemed to have caught herself a Goldfish cracker!

On Day 7, Heart must have quietly crept into Kalynn's closet and taken out the Candy Land game because we found her in the morning playing with her new friends. Although the elf was winning, it looked like R2D2 was close behind and Princess Belle was about to skip passed Lord Licorice and go into the Peppermint Forest.

This morning, we found Heart had toilet papered our Christmas tree and was still napping in the evidence. 

So in conclusion, it's been an exciting couple of weeks here at the Fuller Farm. 

My blog is being considered for the new Blog Her contribution page coming up in a couple of months and one of the requirements is to write more often so you'll be hearing from me on a steadier basis!

Thanks again for all the support and I hope everyone is staying warm out there in Internet Land!

xoxo

To Elf Or Not To Elf

Ok, so I was a little weary about this Elf on the Shelf thing.

I see the creepy factor.

A toy elf sitting in the corner who flies to the North Pole and reports to Santa every night while you sleep.

I thought about it for months before I decided to dive in head first and just go with it.

After months of pinning ideas on Pinterest I realized that the elf's arrival was kind of a big deal. The way I present her for the very first time kind of sets the bar for the type of excitement I'll get out of Kalynn.

So.

I thought about all the fun stuff my mom used to do with me as a kid and one of my favorites was always the scavenger hunt.
Kalynn is just about to turn only 4, so riddle clues are a little too overboard for her taste.

But!

A picture scavenger hunt, now that's totally do-able.

We have an Autumn tree that we put up right about the week before Thanksgiving every year. We decorate it with white lights and fall colored leaf garland, pumpkins, gourds, scarecrows, little turkeys, etc and then the day after Thanksgiving we take down all the Thanksgiving crap, change the lights, and hang up all the Christmas ornaments.

So Thanksgiving morning, Kalynn walked out into the living room to this:

( Sprinkling a light mixture of red glitter and baking soda around your husband's giant size 12 flip flop makes for a fantastic magical snowy Santa footprint. )

These footprints went straight from the chimney to the tree.  

The first thing she saw were of course the footprints. The second thing she saw was that the autumn decorations were gone and the white lights had been changed to multicolored. 

Having Santa in the house way before Christmas was such a shock to her easily confused system, she immediately ran into our room and pulled us out of bed for a full assessment of the situation. Jason and I got up to check out the scene and sure enough, we both came to the conclusion that they were, in fact, evidence of a fat man in a red suit. Upon closer inspection, we found a little rolled up note left behind on the tree skirt. 

Kalynn unrolled the ribbon and found the paper to be a photo of her bedroom vanity table. 

So we all walked over to her vanity table and low and behold, there was another rolled up paper which was a picture of our washing machine. 

And on the washing machine there was a picture of my jewelry box. 

And on my jewelry box there was a picture of under her bathroom sink... 

This squealing, giggling, Santa trail went on for 20 different places around our house until the last photo brought her to our bedroom closet where she found a letter from Santa, a tiny chair and a wrapped up present. 

(Bed head at its finest)

So the majority of us as parents know the concept of the Elf on the Shelf. I've read the story, I've asked my friends, I've pinned the ideas...

HOWEVER!

There is one GIANT part of the elf concept that I just can't get around which is that the Elf must not ever be touched or else she will lose her Christmas magic and she won't be able to fly to the North Pole to report to Santa. 

Every morning this elf is supposed to hide in some new and exciting place doing some new and exciting activity and then she's supposed to just be left alone for the remainder of the day and we all have to just continue life around her. 

But what if our elf is found some place that we need to utilize during that day? This part of the plan is so inconvenient. 

So. 

I thought and I thought and I thought and I finally came up with a very simple solution. 

Santa wrote Kalynn a letter and explained in detail about the elf not being touched. BUT, he also explained that she does get 10 SECONDS of non-magic per day. Only 10 quick seconds every morning and that 10 seconds is for mommies or daddies only to carefully pick her up, run her as fast as we can to the chair that Santa had made for her. It is sort of like a viewing chair. We had special instructions, from Santa himself, to place the chair somewhere that she is able to see the most of our household activities.

So the next day when Kalynn went looking for her morning fruit bar and she found her elf in the pantry making a snowman out of our marshmallows, she shrieked with delight and then came to get me. We both did our "ready, set, go!" and I ran the Elf from the kitchen to her fancy magic chair while Kalynn counted to 10 as loud and calm (not calm) as she could. 

It was all very exciting. 

The chair is one that I picked up at the Good Will for .99 cents a few weeks back and I decorated it with ribbon, glitter, and sticky gems. It is seriously going to be so much more convenient than having to step over this creepy little stalker every time she's found in the middle of the bathroom or bedroom floor. 

So now with Elf season officially upon us, may I just say good luck, parents! 

May all your children be well behaved and may your elves be creative and effortless! 

Yuletide For Yoda

A great friend of mine is the chef for the National Science Foundation and working in Antarctica at Palmer station. Not only is he a culinary commander 12 hours a day in the kitchen, but he also flip flops bi-seasonally between the fire team and the Ocean Search And Rescue team. (You know, because he's a total bad ass.) I'm constantly seeing these pictures online that he posts of breads and tarts and pies and piles and piles of food that are sadly miles and miles away from my watering mouth. He works hard and he works a lot so his time off is obviously greatly welcomed. I feel very thankful that we are able to keep in pretty constant contact given our schedules and time zone differences. We've made the effort for the last couple of decades to stay in each others lives. Our sturdy foundation has always been based off our mutual admiration for each other, hard liquor and Star Wars. It's the time withstanding equation of a true champion friendship.

We get to chit chat a couple times per week and he sends me things he knows I'll appreciate like amazing closeups of my beloved moon as seen from the South Pole, or live website updates of his station, or videos of him and the crew screwballing around or whatever. Well yesterday when I was at work,  I was sent the most amazing thing I may have ever seen floating around the world wide web: Star Wars snowflakes.

Apparently, Francis stumbled on the find of the season for us Star Wars suckers. It is an entire webpage devoted to these, um, what do I call them, Force Flurries?
This graphic designer turned awesome blogger, Anthony Herrera, has pages and pages of templates you can download for free. Some of them are very simple and some of them will take an extra sharp X-Acto along with many minutes of spare time. But whatever you're up for, the website is worth the looksie.

I went with Darth. 

So thanks, Fran. You totally made my day. I'll return the favor by showing you off and bragging that I knew you way back when...

Life Lessons

I've had a very unconventional life. I've done some crazy things, met some crazy people, learned some crazy lessons. With Thanksgiving coming up it is forcing me to think about what I'm thankful for. This year, I'm recognizing that I'm thankful I've learned some vital things from my experiences. I don't know everything, but I do know some things very well. I guess I'm just sort of taking a mental inventory.

1. Don't ever buy sandwiches from a vending machine or a gas station.

2. If someone does something awful to you, it doesn't define who you are. The past isn't a magician who casts a spell on your present. Take the blows, feel the burn, get up, dust yourself off, and carry on. You never have to forget, but you do have to let it go.

3. Having a life altering crisis is the perfect time to reinvent yourself.

4. If you don't like who you are or where you are or what you're doing, change it. That's the thing about life, you only get one. Make it one you're happy with. Plan an Under-New-Management party and reopen the place. By the place, I mean your head.

5. Tip, and tip well! Bartenders and waitresses are the people who delegate good and bad karma in the afterlife.

6. Don't ignore the connections you have with people, you'll piss off the universe that put those people in your life for a reason.

7. Disappointment is a million times worse than anger. Regardless, refer to rule #2.

8. Drink lots of water.

9. YOU'RE vs YOUR. There is difference and it is not that difficult. You're jealous of my awesome car. My other ride is your mom.

10. Travel often. A change of scenery can change your mindset. (I learned that one from my mom)

11. ALWAYS stand up for yourself. What is right for you may be wrong for everyone else, but who cares? The world isn't going to end if you go against the grain.

12. Opportunities always look larger going than coming.

13. The line between having a hobby and having a psychotic mental illness is very fine.

14. Real friendship isn't about being there when it is convenient, it is about being there when it is not. And on the subject of friends, these are the people who talk shit to your face and speak kindly behind your back. Not the other way around.

15. Chew with your goddamn mouth closed.

16. Don't ever half-ass anything. Everything you do should be with full intensity. Make mistakes with everything you've got, sneeze from the very bottom of your belly, laugh with all the breath in your lungs, work like you're getting paid a million dollars, be lazy like you'll never get another chance. Whatever you're doing, commit and kick some ass at it.

17. Don't be a victim.

18. Trust that what people do means a hell of a lot more than what people say.

19. The unknowns and the whys of the world are the hardest to take.

20. Let the other car change lanes. Don't be a dick.

21. Mediocrity has no place in love. There are far too many unexceptional things in this world, love should not be one of them.

22. Every night the Moon teaches a class on romance, you just have to sign up for it.

23. A Brazilian bikini wax hurts like a bitch.

24. There is always more to learn. Thank your lucky stars for the healthy brain that makes it possible and never take that for granted.

25. Finding your passion is important. Finding the right people to fuel it is also important. Never back down to the people who are standing next to you with a bucket of water ready to put out your fire. (A lesson I learned from BJ, who lost his battle with cancer but taught me more about passion than anyone I know who is still living)

26. Pain can be useful. Suffering on the other hand, well, there isn't anything useful about suffering. Squash that shit as quickly as you possibly can.

27. There is never an instance, never ever ever ever, where messing up your credit score is worth it. Pay your bills, and pay them on time.

28. Jimmy Fallon is always a good decision.

29. Failure and mistakes aren't verdicts.

30. Try to look cute wherever you go.  Make the effort.

31. Sometimes there are people you shouldn't let slip away. It may be inopportune, but sometimes you should just grip like hell and hold on tight. Because you just never know.

32. But with number 31 being said,  you should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. It's important to know the difference.

Rendezvous At Meet Up Point

The thing about blogging is that it takes a lot of effort. And networking. And Time.
While this year has been great for me at The Brighter Writer as far as exposure, sponsors, and luck of the draw, I'm certainly not the world's most professional social media influence. I hear constantly about blogging conferences, seminars, and opportunities but I rarely take advantage of them. I read the advice columns about the importance of consistent writing but I just don't have the time or energy to write as much as I'd sometimes like to.

But I do just fine.

I'm very happy with my little community of readers.

And I thank the people who constantly show up to read what I have to say.

This week I'm trying something different.

It seems as though the pages in which I subscribe are all participating in NaBloPoMo. I can't write every single day for a month. I just can't. And I can't imagine anyone would want to read a post where I was really reaching for a subject. I would think after a few weeks I would just run out of things to write about. Which is why, I suppose, I've been reading all these articles lately from my fellow bloggers along the lines of "100 topics for writer's block" or "50 ideas to get your blog started" or "creative writing jump starts..." You get the idea.

Out of complete curiosity, I read one of these lists and it was totally not my cup of tea. (Idea 27: Write about the last thing that made you cry??? What the hell?!!!)

However one of them took me to the link of a photo challenge. This totally insane woman took a photograph every hour on the waking hour, for an entire year. Partly for her readers who like to see how other people live, and also to just have a journal to look back on some day.

I won't be doing that either.

But I thought it might be fun to try it for a day.

I set my alarm for every hour on the hour, and wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, will be photographed.

So in the words of Pee Wee Herman, "Why don't you take a picture, it'll last longer?"

 6AM: I meet up with this stud, Mr. Coffee, and we fall deeply in love. 

7AM: Everyone in the house is physically awake yet mentally still asleep. It's still quiet enough to get a little work done. Today's essay: The Brotherhood Of The Traveling Unicorn (final draft).

8AM: I listen to my husband sing a nice little homemade song about how much he enjoys food ("♪♫ Oh my God, I love food so muuuuuch, ♪♫ I love the way it tastes in my moooouth and I wish I could just eat all the tiiiiiime...♪♫") and an encore about how today is definitely a hat day while he tries to fix his hair. Kalynn and I eat the breakfast casserole which is freshly out of the oven. 

9AM: I (along with my entourage) listen (and dance around) to our favorite Pandora station while I put on my makeup. 

10AM: We're roaming around Target, checking out the toy section, making a mental note of our list for Santa.

11AM: Kalynn makes the executive decision of being this hour's photographer since she already has possession of my phone.  In true Marie Antoinette form, she instructs me to smile and then cuts off my head. 

12PM: We make our way downtown to the Lincoln Center to buy tickets for Kalynn's performance in the upcoming Nutcracker ballet. The door is open so we pop our heads in and check out where she will grace the stage as the cutest and most talented snowflake that ever lived. 

1PM: With half the day successfully behind us and nap time creeping up fast, we take a few minutes to construct and jump in the world's largest leaf pile just outside our building. 

2PM: It's time for my break. And by break I mean time to fold the laundry, wash the dishes, prepare dinner and pick up the living room. It is also the hour when I become queen of the creeper club and spy on my baby and her cuteness.

3PM: Both of my children are freshly awake with emotions deeply rooted in codependency. Everyone wants soy milk and a snuggle from Mommy and nothing else will substitute. 

4PM: Time to clean out the car. I'm on fruit-bar-wrapper patrol while Kalynn mans the camera. 

5PM: Jason is home! And he brought Happy hour with him!

6PM: Turkey, mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, green bean casserole and brown sugar sweet potato pie.

7PM: There are 2 things to remember about the gym: #1 Summer bodies are made in the Winter and #2 no matter how slow you go, you're still lapping everybody on the couch.

8PM: Bedtime for Kalynn. But first, snuggles with Daddy in the book nook.

9PM: Wine and my pup-doo. 

10PM: Goonies never say die!

10PM: Tomorrow night there is a full Moon in Taurus and a meteor shower shining from the constellation Leo. The combination of being a Leo myself and having an influential Taurus in my life, it kind of makes it feel like this particular full moon is my very own. The Universe is apparently on our side right now. 

There you have an average day in the life of Me.  Goodnight!

The Brotherhood Of The Traveling Unicorn

Here's the thing:

For Halloween, Jason went as an 80's rocker. 

Finding the perfect t-shirt was critical.

Just as I was about to give up after searching almost every thrift store in town, I turned the corner and something out of place caught my eye. To the left across the bruised toys and around the corner of tossed aside wooden baskets, I saw a lone black shirt stuffed in among the soiled coffee pots. I pulled it out, unwaded the fabric and it was like a light shown down from the heavens. 

Trumpets played, angels hugged, choirs sang.

It was a glorious moment that brought tears to my eyes.
I knew this shirt was the winner I had been longing for. 

When I brought it up to the counter, the check out man smiled and held it up to his fellow co-workers who all told me about the shirt's fate saturated arrival. Apparently, they had discussed between them who was going to end up with this gem of cotton and whoever did was going to be one very lucky soul. I mean, it is pretty much the best shirt ever created.

So Halloween came and went but at the end of the day, we were left debating on what to do with this fantastic electric unicorn find.

"I kind of want to re-gift it," he said.

"Hmmmm...... I have an idea..." I said.

A week prior, I had been flipping through Pinterest and I ran across "The Giving Plate." It was just an uncomplicated porcelain platter with a nice letter written on it about passing food among friends and family. The directions stated that once you receive the plate, you whip up some sort of baked good and then gift the plate and the goodies to your closest girlfriend who then does the same. The plate goes round and round and continues to spread joy wherever it goes.

Well that's nice.

And then it dawned on me...

How could I be so stupid to think this shirt was just meant for our small minded little family? This shirt was a drifter! A dreamer! A loner full of wanderlust! Of course a shirt such as this one can't be tied down to one owner, what was I thinking??

So.

I am currently on a path to help this shirt fulfill its destiny. 

Here is how:

I have made and laminated its story to be passed along from person to person. I figure, wherever this shirt goes, wherever it ends up, we can all track it back to this web page. If this shirt ends up in your lucky hands, email me! krista@thebrighterwriter.com and send me a picture of you in the shirt along with your location and I will post the picture here on this site. If you're on Twitter or Instagram, take a picture and use #TheBrotherhoodOfTheTravelingUnicorn to show us all the adventures it has been on.

Who knows where it'll go! Maybe it'll make its way around the world!

The Unicorn Journey:

Updated 1/16/14 - The electric unicorn has made its way from Fort Collins, Colorado to Lake Forest, California. Thank you to Scott R. for the photo update!

Updated 2/3/14 - From  Lake Forest, California to Sahuarita, Arizona! Thanks to Brian J! Best pictures ever!

From a lineman in Sahuarita, Arizona to a train engineer in Tucson, Arizona! 

Thanks Kyle Jackson!

 To Nick Jordan from Georgia!

Moving along to Joshua Quesada from Philadelphia, P.A

Marvin Estevez From Queens, New York! 

Thanks guys for keeping it going!